


Cracked

by saakaat



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Eggs, Gen, That is all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-05 01:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4160850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saakaat/pseuds/saakaat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you like your eggs in the morning?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracked

**Author's Note:**

> Being part of this fandom has meant a few crazy twists and turns, punctuated by the occasional pivotal event that leaves us reeling. Ylvis killing it at Oslo Spektrum. The 24 hour live feed. Basketball with David Beckham. Sexyback. And now tvillingspree! Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing the fateful day Bård found his third double yolk egg in the same week. Mainly because it happened this morning. Well, anyway... I decided to write about this defining moment for the fandom, so that historians may uncover it in future and know what happened this fateful day. Well, enjoy... or at least humour me and leave me some sweet kudos ^_^

Bård saw the first time as just a fortunate occurrence, a happy little event which livened up his morning. He had been granted a reprieve from the school run as it was his wife’s turn. Still he played his part in the chaotic routine, furiously scrambling to coordinate lunch boxes, school bags and gym kits for two grumpy teenagers and a hyperactive 5-year-old. The ensuing silence when he finally bid his family goodbye was heavenly.

The silence was punctuated by the growling of his stomach. He didn’t typically make himself breakfast, usually opting for a freshly-made smoothie from the deli on the way to work. Yet now he needed food, and fast. Unfortunately he despised cereal and the fruitbowl contained little but a sad, slightly-bruised apple. He had all but given up hope when he spied salvation in the form of a carton of eggs on the marble work top. He opened the carton to find two eggs. He would have preferred three, but needs must. He contemplated scrambling the eggs, but that required extra utensils, and the exertion of whisking. Far easier was it to fire up the hob to fry the eggs. 

Tired from the morning exertions, he barely paid attention as he cracked the eggs and upended the contents into the frying pan. It was only when he peered in to check the progress of the eggs when he noticed something unusual. One of the eggs had an ordinary, single yolk. But the second had two. He smiled at his fortune, before taking a snap for posterity. His motivation to post his breakfast on social media stemmed from nothing but mere boredom at being alone in his spacious house. Still, he smiled as he ate his lucky breakfast, watching the notifications from his followers lighting up the iPhone screen. Yet once he finished the eggs and wiped his mouth with a napkin the incident was forgotten and Bård continued with his busy day. 

In fact, the day turned out to be so hectic that he barely had time to eat another morsel before collapsing into bed at the end of the day. He awoke with a gnawing hunger, once again searching for food. Thankfully, the weekly grocery order had arrived the night before, so the fridge and cupboards were full of food. He eyed a fresh carton of eggs, and remembering the incident from the day before he felt compelled to have fried eggs again. This time he picked up only one egg, with the plan to supplement it with some fresh grapefruit. He felt unmistakeable déjà vu as he cracked the egg into the heated frying pan. The moment the contents spilled into the pan he let out a "hæ!" in shock; another day, another egg twin! This was getting a bit freaky now. Still, he smiled to himself as he took yet another snap, looking forward to the ensuing furore from his dedicated fans. More than anything he was looking forward to telling Vegard. 

"Yea but it's a far more common occurrence these days" Vegard explained, stuffing the last of his skolebolle into his mouth. They were taking a short break from planning meetings, where Bård regaled his brother with tales of his breakfast adventures. Vegard flicked a crumb from his own lip before continuing. "These hens are fed so many hormones to stimulate egg yield, it's no surprise you'll get a few double yolkers. It's also more common in young hens". Vegard added, crumpling up the paper bag from his pastry and flinging it towards the wastepaper bin. Bård stifled a chuckle as the paper ball missed its target. 

"How do you know so much about eggs anyway?" Bård queried. 

"Helene's friend is a smallholder. We get our eggs from her. Believe me, double yolks happen".

"Yea two days in a row? What are the odds of that happening?"

"Well, it's not unusual if they're from the same carton.."

"But they weren't" Bård interjected. "We got a fresh half dozen yesterday, from a different brand" 

"Whatever Bård. You might be able to convince your followers this is some freaky occurrence, but it really isn't" Vegard smiled, a little too condescendingly for Bård's liking. He decided to drop the subject. 

The next morning, Bård was eager to try his luck. Maybe he could find a third twin egg in as many days. He woke up looking forward to breakfast, a meal he generally disliked but had long since deemed necessary to keep him going on busy days. However, when he entered the kitchen he found the carton missing from its usual spot. He approached his wife, who was wiping down the breakfast bar. "Where are all the eggs?" He enquired, trying to sound nonchalant. 

"Oh I'm sorry dear, the kids wanted frittata last night, I used all the eggs. There's fruit though" she offered helpfully. However, Bård found himself overcome with a curious emotion. Disappointment. 

He wasn't intending on having breakfast at home the next day, but when he came downstairs Maria was standing at the stove with her apron smiling. "What's all this about? Where are the kids?" Bård enquired, noting the curiously quiet atmosphere. 

"Vegard came and got Jens when you were in the shower. The girls got lifts with their friends" she explained, igniting the stove with a few short clicks. "I thought I'd make you breakfast. And because you seemed so disappointed about the egg situation yesterday..." His wife retrieved a fresh carton from the cupboard, displaying them proudly. 

Bård responded with a weak smile at the thoughtful gesture. Truthfully, he wasn't hungry, but he noted the table was set with his favourite mug and a fresh pot of coffee. He sat down, watching his wife move around the space with a effortless grace. She plucked an egg from the carton, turning to smile at her husband before cracking it into the pan. "Oh... That's peculiar" she muttered as she stared in the direction of the hob. Bård instinctively sprang from the table, feeling a jolt of excitement. The pair watched as the clear albumin gradually transformed to white around two pristine orange yolks. 

He clung to his wife, eyes wide with shock. "This is fucked up" he muttered under his breath. 

Less than 5km away, Vegard had dropped the kids to school when his phone rang. He swiped across his screen, answering with a his usual "hei"

"Three twins in four days, Vegard." The voice at the end of the line was low and dripping with foreboding. "Something is happening, Vegard. I can sense it. Something sinister".

Vegard crinkled his brow in confusion. "Bård... What the fuck are you talking about"

"Something is happening. And I'm going to get to the bottom of it". Before Vegard could respond, a small beep signified the end of the conversation. The line went dead. The older Ylvisåker shrugged, pulling out his fresh skolebolle from its paper bag. Helene would probably kill him if she caught him indulging yet again; especially given the fact they had been gifted a lot of eggs which needed to be used up. _But a man can go mad if he has eggs for breakfast every morning_ , Vegard thought to himself as he dug into his sweet pastry.


End file.
